Diary Of A Born Again Christian

"Be still, and know that I am God."

What God wants for me.

on June 23, 2012

Lately I have been dealing a lot with my own personal struggles. I have gained weight that I worked hard to lose, my son is now a toddler and is an expert at playing the part, and I have been struggling with the empty feeling that loneliness has bestowed upon me. It has caused me to wonder, what does God want for me? What is something that he wants me to gain from this life besides my salvation and praise? As I look at all these recent struggles, I am compelled to believe that God wants me to have more confidence.

I desperately need to find more confidence inside myself so that I can jump back on the wagon and continue with my weight loss. I have been drowning in self pity in this area. I worked very hard to lose 40 pounds. I started anti depressants back in January, and the increase in appetite did a number on me. I slowly backed out of my healthy eating, and before I knew it, I gained 30 pounds. I’ve gone off the anti depressants and have started taking mood enhancing vitamins, but until a few days ago I hadn’t gone back on my “diet”. I can’t be successful in being a healthier person if I’m not feeling a certain amount of confidence.

I also need to find more confidence in who I am as a mother. My son has had sleeping issues as of lately, and I am horribly sleep deprived. Because of his sleeping issues, he’s cranky. Because of my sleep deprivation, I’m cranky as well. I’ve been impatient and frustrated, which is making me feel like I’m not doing such a great job at being a mom.

Then there’s the loneliness. I’ve been single for quite some time, and I’m prepared to remain that way for a while. But still, there is an emptiness within me because I want very badly to meet the man that God is waiting to bring into my life. It’s hard for me not to wonder if I am the reason I’m still single, which makes me feel pretty bad. It’s a struggle to not feel such a lack of confidence because I’m still single.

With the way I’ve been feeling, I am so compelled to just pray, and seek answers through God’s word. I can slowly feel my self confidence fighting to come out. I just have to get back on track with my weight loss, get more sleep and feel more patience for my son, and remember that when the time comes God will bring a wonderful man into my life.

God wants me to be more self confident, because when I’m confident, my life is at it’s best. My relationship with Jesus is at it’s best. Everything is simply better. If you’re struggling with personal issues, you need to ask yourself what I’ve asked myself, “What does God want for me?” It may take a little time to get the answer, but it’s there, and God is waiting to give it to you.


2 responses to “What God wants for me.

  1. jen says:

    Ashley I love you, and I think your blog and mostly your spirit are reaching out to people. Please don’t feel discouraged, believe me I know exactly what you are struggling with. I have dealt with weight and body image issues most of my life as well. It took me a long time (and having my sweet baby Luke, 8now I can’t believe it) to realize a truth about love. The love that we so desperately want is often hidden from us, until we fully understand that we are created with and have to learn to love and celebrate the amazing creation we are. If we can’t yet see we are worthy of love we give ourselves we will never fully recognize the person God us sent to love and help us (and vice a versa). You are beautiful, kind, faithful, and giving, I know there are bad days. Just please know that you are genuinely loved and are genuinely deserving of that love. Always have faith, always have hope, and always have love.

    • Ashley Fox says:

      Thank you Jen, that means a LOT to me that you would say that. You are an incredible person. And to think, years ago you were my favorite customer to deliver pizza to! Now I feel like I have a true friend in you 🙂

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